What others say or do is a reflection of them, not you.

~Kris Pierce (my wife’s mother), said to Katie Pierce, my wife, when she was small

The Story

On July 30th, I presented a workshop about alternatives to taking others’ comments “personally”. To get everyone into the “mood” I began the session with a little “rap” song.  The session focused on the idea that our actions are motivated by our needs, not by what others do.  I have found it very liberating to move away from the painful legacy I inherited that people could “make me” feel things. I remember my Mother, in her anger, telling (shouting at) me:  “You make me so Angry!”.   Learning that no one can “make me” feel anything (and that I cannot “make” others feel anything) has given me much greater freedom to live fully without fearing other people’s impact on me or mine on them!  I invite you to try it 🙂

Here it is: The “Stop Taking Things Personally! Start Connecting with Needs!” Rap

It’s not easy to hear people’s judgments

Especially when they’re judging you

But I’m here to say that you have a choice

You always control what you do

Taking things personally may be a habit

It may be the only way you know

But it’s bad for your ego and for your health

And it takes you out of life’s flow



STOP taking things personally

START connecting with needs

STOP giving your power away

START seeing where compassion leads

STOP taking things personally

There’s a better way to live

START connecting with needs instead

It’s the best gift you can give


Needs are what motivates all our actions

They’re the “cause” of all that we do

That means no one can “make” you do anything

In the end, it’s all up to you

Knowing what needs are met and unmet

Helps you choose how to act

Needs help you touch your own heart

Instead of responding with an attack


So when someone says something’s wrong with you

Don’t believe it, know you have a choice

To try to understand what’s happening for them

To figure out what’s behind their voice

Needs are causing their words, not you

Perhaps they’re just having a bad day

Or maybe they’re hurt and want support

When you hear needs, you stay out of the fray

Join the chorus of folks moving beyond taking things “personally”.   Join the chorus choosing liberation and self-responsibility over emotional slavery.  Join the chorus in singing the “STOP taking things personally! START connecting with needs!” Rap.  Join those taking baby steps each day to create a world where everyone Communicates with Heart!